Your dad touched me again.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
