Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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