i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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