Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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