So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Blow job season was short but glorious.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
