Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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