i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
