just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
