Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
