Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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