fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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