haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
