Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
