he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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