you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
