I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
