I could have mohawked her pubes.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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