if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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