he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
