I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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