I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
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Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
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you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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