apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
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youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
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She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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