Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
