the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
