I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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