we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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