halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
