i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
