chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
