Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i dont even know how to be here
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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