if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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