I hate your face
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
