3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
