eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
