I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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