Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
