She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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