evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
