I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
