eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She's the barista slut.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
