So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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