I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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