Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
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