Plan B is the new Plan A
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
