I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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