i don't like sucking hair
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
