Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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