It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
