So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
