he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
