You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
we should paint friendship bongs
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