More tranny stories later!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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