woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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