real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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