i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
