and next time when you feel me up, do it right
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
