I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
