It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
