brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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