4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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