she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
