It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
