found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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