you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
