he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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