Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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