Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My liver just broke up with me...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Did I show you my penis last night?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
