Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
