we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
