I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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