So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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