Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
