I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
