I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
