forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
