Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
