im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
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