I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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