Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
