dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
