and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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