Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
we're chasing vodka with high fives
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize