tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
