i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
