u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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