my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
