At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
