You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
